From Girls to Ghouls— Facing Our Fate with Grace or Money

I had a dialog with a friend who was conflicted about having a facelift because her twin sister was considering having one. I understand my friend’s dilemma whether to surgically lift or not, as I struggle daily with my aging face with sagging jowls and deepening forehead crease. Guess what...we're fucking 62+ years old! Interestingly, more women in their early 50s have been coming through my clinic for acupuncture facial rejuvenation who have already had botox injections to erase wrinkles. They are beautiful and flawless and still seeking perfection. Unfortunately, they don’t look real or approachable to me.

According to Wikipedia: Interesting as the Chinese physiological face is, the psychological face makes a still more fascinating study. It is not a face that can be washed or shaved, but a face that can be "granted" and "lost" and "fought for" and "presented as a gift”. Idiomatically, the face means dignity and prestige.

Does a flawless, youthful face express dignity and prestige…wisdom? The more I observe my aging skin process, the more aware I have become of women and men who have had some "work" done. I tend to steal glimpses at them at the gym, looking for suture scars and judging these strangers as being superficial and inauthentic. It used to be just aging movie stars and public figures would have facial surgeries, now it’s your next-door neighbor. Hey, it’s impossible to hide age…or anything anymore! Take a look at hands and necks, a sure giveaway. Can’t change that…oh, please don’t tell me they are…!

Sometimes I'm envious and can feel self-conscious when I'm face-to-face with a disguised one, thinking that I’m revealing too much of my aging self just by being in their non-expressive presence. Mostly I judge the fixed face as artificial and look admiringly at all those naturally maturing countenances that reflect multiple expressions of character and are still gracious, alluring and very much alive.

I treated a 50-something y/o woman who had a face/eye lift, who was beautiful and youthful before having this done, but she came into some money, so why not? The surgery didn’t go as expected and now she's left feeling scarred and traumatized and seeking legal counsel for what now cannot be changed. As we all know, any surgery is fraught with the risk of damage and trauma. Her advice is, if you’re going to have a face/eye lift, make sure your surgeon is trained in ocular surgery.

More From Wiki: The concept of face is, of course, Chinese in origin, yet many languages have "face" terms that metaphorically mean "prestige, honor, reputation”. According to Kwakiutl and Haida nobleman: to lose one's face is to lose one's spirit, which is truly the 'face', the dancing mask, the right to incarnate a spirit and wear an emblem or totem. It is the veritable persona which is at stake, and it can be lost in the potlatch just as it can be lost in the game of gift-giving, in war, or through some error in ritual.

The Sun Magazine, that publishes wonderful photos of life-encrusted frontal expressions, printed the essay, "Your Own Damn Life" by Michael Meade, about the story we were born with. I was very touched by his premise that "the role of a fully realized human being is to arrive at the door of death having become oneself." Does getting a facelift postpone becoming our Self or might it enhance the image of our self?

Meade goes on to say that the soul's destination in life is to ‘face’ our fate and find our destiny. He says that, "a culture falls apart when its sense of youthful imagination disappears at the same time that the wisdom of the elders is forgotten. Young people are growing up in a world of tragedy"...and that "elders awaken through a descent into the depths, where life renews itself. In modern culture people try to change their outer appearance to look younger, but the role of the elder is to go deep inside, to stay in touch with the eternal as well as the sage in one's heart. Everybody gets older, but not everybody gets to be an elder. Becoming an elder involves a lifelong awakening to and reflection upon the story embedded in one's soul." Meade also says that, "elders feel inspired to give back the wisdom they've extracted from life and not simply be receiving material benefits."

That’s quite a challenge—firstly to become our authenticated self and secondly to share our elder gifts of wisdom in a culture that does not honor aging nor accept death. So, how are we prepared to meet the inevitable? We essentially are not, so we avoid or deny and try to stay young as long as possible. Therefore, if a facelift helps ward off the boogieman and makes us feel better about ourselves for a time...and we can afford it...then why not?

Meanwhile, my sensitive, critical-thinking and luddite-leaning husband wants to know that just because you can afford to do it—have a face lift, tummy tuck, breast or penile implants, buy a yacht, a 10,000 sq.’ house, Maserati, etc. etc.—should you? But then, Alex consumes little and believes in feeding the poor, taking care of the planet, and living more sustainably.

I think we have a lot to face, and I don’t think surgery is going to cure it. I’ll no doubt opt for having my grandmother’s dried apple doll look with a side of irreverent humor. I plan to go down laughing and screaming with the deep wrinkles that I've earned.