From Girls to Ghouls— Facing Our Fate with Grace or Money
I had a dialog
with a friend who was conflicted about having a facelift because her twin
sister was considering having one. I understand my friend’s dilemma whether to surgically
lift or not, as I struggle daily with my aging face with sagging jowls and
deepening forehead crease. Guess what...we're fucking 62+ years old! Interestingly,
more women in their early 50s have been coming through my clinic for
acupuncture facial rejuvenation who have already had botox injections to erase
wrinkles. They are beautiful and flawless and still seeking perfection.
Unfortunately, they don’t look real or approachable to me.
According to Wikipedia: Interesting as the Chinese physiological
face is, the psychological face makes a still more fascinating study. It is not
a face that can be washed or shaved, but a face that can be "granted"
and "lost" and "fought for" and "presented as a gift”.
Idiomatically, the face means dignity and prestige.
Does a
flawless, youthful face express dignity and prestige…wisdom? The more I observe
my aging skin process, the more aware I have become of women and men who have
had some "work" done. I tend to steal glimpses at them at the gym,
looking for suture scars and judging these strangers as being superficial and inauthentic.
It used to be just aging movie stars and public figures would have facial
surgeries, now it’s your next-door neighbor. Hey, it’s impossible to hide
age…or anything anymore! Take a look at hands and necks, a sure giveaway. Can’t
change that…oh, please don’t tell me they are…!
Sometimes
I'm envious and can feel self-conscious when I'm face-to-face with a disguised
one, thinking that I’m revealing too much of my aging self just by being in
their non-expressive presence. Mostly I judge the fixed face as artificial and
look admiringly at all those naturally maturing countenances that reflect
multiple expressions of character and are still gracious, alluring and very
much alive.
I treated a
50-something y/o woman who had a face/eye lift, who was beautiful and youthful
before having this done, but she came into some money, so why not? The surgery
didn’t go as expected and now she's left feeling scarred and traumatized and
seeking legal counsel for what now cannot be changed. As we all know, any
surgery is fraught with the risk of damage and trauma. Her advice is, if you’re
going to have a face/eye lift, make sure your surgeon is trained in ocular
surgery.
More From Wiki: The concept of face is, of course, Chinese
in origin, yet many languages have "face" terms that metaphorically
mean "prestige, honor, reputation”. According to Kwakiutl and Haida nobleman:
to lose one's face is to lose one's spirit, which is truly the 'face', the
dancing mask, the right to incarnate a spirit and wear an emblem or totem. It
is the veritable persona which
is at stake, and it can be lost in the potlatch just as it can be lost in the
game of gift-giving, in war, or through some error in ritual.
The Sun
Magazine, that publishes wonderful photos of life-encrusted frontal expressions,
printed the essay, "Your Own Damn Life" by Michael Meade, about the
story we were born with. I was very touched by his premise that "the role
of a fully realized human being is to arrive at the door of death having become
oneself." Does getting a facelift postpone becoming our Self or might it
enhance the image of our self?
Meade goes
on to say that the soul's destination in life is to ‘face’ our fate and find
our destiny. He says that, "a culture falls apart when its sense of
youthful imagination disappears at the same time that the wisdom of the elders
is forgotten. Young people are growing up in a world of tragedy"...and
that "elders awaken through a descent into the depths, where life renews
itself. In modern culture people try to change their outer appearance to look
younger, but the role of the elder is to go deep inside, to stay in touch with
the eternal as well as the sage in one's heart. Everybody gets older, but not
everybody gets to be an elder. Becoming an elder involves a lifelong awakening
to and reflection upon the story embedded in one's soul." Meade also says
that, "elders feel inspired to give back the wisdom they've extracted from
life and not simply be receiving material benefits."
That’s
quite a challenge—firstly to become our authenticated self and secondly to
share our elder gifts of wisdom in a culture that does not honor aging nor
accept death. So, how are we prepared to meet the inevitable? We essentially
are not, so we avoid or deny and try to stay young as long as possible. Therefore,
if a facelift helps ward off the boogieman and makes us feel better about
ourselves for a time...and we can afford it...then why not?
Meanwhile, my
sensitive, critical-thinking and luddite-leaning husband wants to know that just
because you can afford to do it—have a face lift, tummy tuck, breast or penile
implants, buy a yacht, a 10,000 sq.’ house, Maserati, etc. etc.—should you? But
then, Alex consumes little and believes in feeding the poor, taking care of the
planet, and living more sustainably.
I think we
have a lot to face, and I don’t think surgery is going to cure it. I’ll no
doubt opt for having my grandmother’s dried apple doll look with a side of
irreverent humor. I plan to go down laughing and screaming with the deep wrinkles that I've earned.
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