Barely Here Because I’m Partly There—For Those Standing at the Edge of Paradox

Do you ever have the feeling that you’re barely here because you’re partly there? One thought here, one thought there? I go through my day fairly efficiently, take care of business appropriately, meet my obligations and show up for my appointments. I have excellent focus when I’m one on one in intimate conversation, especially in my clinic, and hyper-focus when I’m stimulated emotionally or mentally. However, I am challenged by 3-D “consensus reality” and have difficulty transitioning from my home out into the world. Do you ever experience that and question WTF?

One reason I feel that I’m barely here is that I have a questionable memory. Oh, you, too? I have difficulty recollecting details. I rely on others to fill in the blanks and give me the names of book and movie titles I have forgotten. Is it the aging process, too many drugs in the 60s, that my brain is full or that I don’t really give a shit? I figure if you’re over 60 and survived living in the 60s, you’re exempt!

Since I am not detail-oriented, if you give me too much information or ramble on, I am liable to check out and go to that someplace else. I’m more emotionally oriented and interested in the “big picture”. I am stimulated by abstract concepts, worldly trends and how our culture is being affected by astrological, political, social and climactic influences. I love to talk about all the possibilities and don’t need to have an answer. I’m more interested in the question and take respite in the cosmic joke.

I often feel as though I’m not from Earth, that I’m an alien witness here to observe an awesomely beautiful planet with its very strange and unpredictable human life form. I presume that my home planet—of peace, love and equality—runs on a higher frequency, which is surely why I talk fast and can have tangential thoughts and speech. I figure I’ve been programmed as a spatial or circular thinker, which can be challenging for “linear” thinkers who need to get to the point.

To my relief, I have remedied much of the materialistic, outer dissonance through writing, running through my revered desert arroyo and consulting the Akashic Records. I find comfort in being able to travel the realms through my mind and the Records. Sharing deep thoughts with other cosmic travelers is essential for my sanity and growth.

Of course I feel like I’m barely here because I am an infinite soul that travels the multiverse while navigating a finite and aging human vessel! I am learning to become more present to the moment-to-moment dance of sensation, thought and emotion. I find respite in wide-open spaces and the endless sky. I feel like I am an Akashic pioneer traveling a different terrain and am learning how to live life on earth as lightly and creatively as possible.

Thankfully, I am not alone on my journey of integration and self-transcendence. There are so many others working diligently to transform themselves and this planet. It may sometimes feel very uncomfortable, lonely and confusing, but I am trusting that feeling barely here is to experience existential growing pains on the grand evolutionary journey of consciousness. It’s a mind-blowing thought that consciousness is enfolded in each and every cell as well as within every galaxy of the universe! It just reminds me that I’m essentially here, there and everywhere…and so are you!